we will mend statues from the ground to the skies

So I tried something again within the past ten minutes. I tried to play guitar. Key word is "tried". I sincerely need to find lessons at some point. I've had this thing sitting on its stand for the past 2 years or so and I pick it up every once in awhile, throw the strap over my shoulder and try to play. I just can't get a handle on it yet. Maybe someday though. Maybe with some help.

The reason I picked it up tonight was because I'm writing music and I figured since I'm working on lyrics, maybe for once I could put actual sound to it. But, apparently this evening, that will not be happening. I'll stick to singing for now...I do wish I'd learned piano though. I was taught piano, I took lessons when I was young, for about three years but I've forgotten it since then. I was then forced to learn it during sixth through eighth grades...that was a fail, literally. I failed piano three times over those three years. Not only did I fail, I failed in front of a crowd of students, teachers, and parents. It was nightmarish the first time, but the next two times it was just a simple walk of shame from the bench back to my seat in the crowd to watch the other students play their pieces and astound while I sat with head down, only clapping when it was necessary and for as short as I could while still being polite.

I really don't know why I struggle with instruments so much. I think it could have to do with my lack of passion for them. I used to love piano, like I said, I willingly took lessons for three years and would practice daily. I actually got pretty good for a kid. But then when the lessons ended, my care for the instrument dissipated and now I sit here, guitar over my shoulder, it hanging off my back quiet as it has been for the past two years. Again, hopefully some time soon I can start lessons. I don't care if I'm eighteen or if I could learn on my own, lessons make things easier. Then I have to continue practicing even when it grows boring...though knowing friends who play guitar and drums, it should never get boring.

Anyway, music-wise, I have been working on lyrics. I have nine songs complete, and I have about three or four that I've paused production in the middle. I'll get back to them eventually. My reasoning isn't necessarily because I want to start a band this summer, although that is something I want, I just write them. They allow for a release. It's like how poetry and short stories also work for me. Sometimes I write just to write. It's something I am passionate about, something I am willing to practice, because I want to be good and someday want to be successful because of it.

As for my wanting to start a band, I've wanted to for the past few years. Every summer I hatch this idea that I can just throw together a band, call up some friends and we can bash out a few songs and local shows. Well, it's never happened. This summer I'm taking the initiative and actually talking to people early. I'm finding out who of my friends plays an instrument, what instrument they play, what genres of music do they enjoy, everything that can be helpful. By summer, if things fall into place, a band is a possibility. I know I have a drummer, that's an upside. My best friend has been playing for quite awhile and I know he wants to be in a band, we always talked about it when we were younger. It's funny too. Someone told us the "how do you get to Carnegie Hall joke one time". We immediately went upstairs to his drum room, he sat down at the drumset and I had something for a mock microphone and we started just playing over and over "Practice baby, practice", as that was the answer to the joke. It was fun, we did that for a few days actually. Just playing because it was fun and practicing I guess. Maybe now we can complete a band lineup and start practicing for real.

To confront an issue I was struggling with in my last post, my poem wound up being one of the two winners in my CW class's voting. It was both sections voting on the four poems, and as I said, I was conflicted on whether to vote or not, to vote for my poem or not. I just didn't vote. When I found out I won, it was bittersweet, I just couldn't be excited because for some reason, not to sound conceited, I knew I was going to win. That's my strongest class, my strongest skill- writing. If I didn't win I surely would have been disappointed, but for some reason, winning with writing doesn't bring me excitement the way winning a pickup game of basketball or winning a raffle does. Maybe it's because I've been told I'm good at it. I know I'm mediocre at basketball, and raffles are based on luck, so maybe because it can't be predicted, well basketball can be (based on who your teammates are), but raffles are all luck. You can buy twenty tickets and lose, the winner having bought only one. It's all luck of the draw. It's exciting to win, because it is so unexpected. Well, I won anyways. So my poem will be put on those maple syrup bottles with the other poem, hopefully whoever receives that syrup likes what I wrote. Maybe they won't even read the poems, just empty the bottle on pancakes, waffles, all sorts of food, and toss the bottle in the trash. Maybe.