Sending shivers right down your spine

I'm in my robotic state again. This blog post might take me twenty minutes to type up. It's because when I find myself in this state I tend to stare at things, specifically inanimate objects that have no reason to be stared at. They're simply sitting in the room, and they draw my attention to themselves, and I stare, it takes a few seconds, even up to a minute for me to snap out of it. By that time, I'm already staring at something else.
I know what causes this state, but it's not worth mentioning here. I'm not gonna do anything about it either. I know what it means, I know what happens when I'm in it, I'm pretty aware, I'm okay. It's also is when I lie a lot. I just lied a minute ago. I'm not okay. I'm exhausted, frustrated, scared, depressed, and confused. I know why, but again, not mentioning it. It's not important.

I'm also in an increased state of ITunes ADD. I hate that. I just wanna listen to a damn song, but I can't let one finish. I can't, it's reflex.

I don't talk to people when I'm like this. I basically, I guess you say, become a shell. I'm withdrawn into myself. Like a turtle into its shell. That's how it's always been. When I'm robotic, emotionless (even though it's usually when I'm on the verge of snapping or crying, but neither ever comes, I remain robotic 'til it subsides), I tend to just stop. I observe the unimportance of the world. Little things that don't matter, that have no effect on me, no matter where they are or what they are. People become my enemies, no matter who they are. I become mute. I'm currently mute. That's why I'm typing. Because I can't open my mouth to speak. I don't want to. It even feels like I'm too weak to do it. I'm always too weak to do things.

And what's worse? No one, and I mean, no one, can snap me out of my robotic state. It has to pass on its own. I go as far as ignoring people to avoid speaking. I just don't wanna talk. I'd rather be alone, isolated, invisible. Music doesn't make me feel better either. It's just noise. There's no entertainment, no smiling, no dancing or singing. I merely stare at whatever I happen to be doing, whatever website I'm on, whatever homework assignment I'm working on, whatever is near me, I stare. I can type yes, but that's because my eyes rarely leave the screen, and like I said, when they do, I stare at objects.

I bet my eyes get dimmer when I'm like this. I sure hope so at least. There has to be some effect. I know I have no personality like this. I never smile, I just have dropping eyes and a stern look on my face, my lips are in more of a frown than anything. I guess you could say it's when I feel closest to being dead. I feel like nothing, just weight. I don't know existence, only staring and basic actions. I can't speak. Not like I have anything worth mentioning, nothing important at least.